More Resolutions

The essay is complete.

My love affair with Joan Didion is now tied up neatly in an analytical box with a graduate-school-quality-ribbon tied on top. Specifically, I noted Didion’s use of repetition and meticulous detail in the linked essay. I imitated her style, revealing the power of her modified sentence structure, use of italics, use of extra paragraph breaks, repetition of words and tasks, the creation of a sense of searching, abruptness with herself and with her readers, and simplification for the sake of understanding.

Yes, I can have formal opinions. Yes, I can comment on the craft. Yes, yes, yes, I would like to go to grad school.

But no, No, NO…
I would NOT like to have an additional $25,000 in debt, which is approximately what I’d be looking at.

“One thing at a time, sweet,” Mom coaches me on the phone, as my anxiety grows.

Four applications down, four to go: Goddard (rolling), Pacific (rolling), UNOmaha (March 25th), and Lesley (April 1st). When all is said and done, I believe my application fees and postal costs will amount to $500, the same amount required for deposit upon formal admission into any of these programs. Fair enough, though if I didn’t have a small savings there’s no way I’d be able to apply to eight schools all at once. Is this a socially just system? Hmmmm.

My personal life has been taken by storm in 2006. Assessing my life, my skills, and my dreams for grad school applications – and writing personal statements – has been particularly difficult because of this.

I resolve not to procrastinate on the next four applications. I resolve to write at least three new pages of content for the grant project each week. I resolve to query Our State and Blue Ridge Traditions by the end of February. I resolve to find new homes for two cherished essays if they do not get accepted into the anthologies (notifications likely to come this week). I resolve, I resolve, I resolve.

I resolve to work on being OK with being alone. I resolve to turn off the bluegrass music and listen to what alone sounds like. I resolve to sit by a moving body of water this week (help hold me to this one, guys) and see how it moves me. I resolve, I resolve, I resolve.