Close That Chapter Right Up!

I wake up in the middle of the night completely calm, yet alert, and grab the pen and paper next to my bed. I can feel the ease of closing the chapter with MGL, whose letter I buried in my mind soon after it was opened so many months ago. I am surprised this comes out of sleep because I haven’t thought about him in months, with the exception of mistaking passers-by for him in BigCity, NC – oddly enough. And here is what I write:

Dear MGL,

Well it really would have been quite simple had you been honest from the beginning. Most women I know would prefer to hear “No” before they hear a lie.

And part of me could feel the lie in you, taut like a rubber band, holding you back, about to break. Just when I was convinced you were aiming somewhere else though, you seemed to come back around (a poem sent, a rushed roadside phone call laced with frenzied attraction).

And when you kissed me I could see something desperate and wanting and terrified and boldly ferocious in you. But I also saw a tenderness. I saw talent. I saw determination. I saw a willingness to reveal your self.

And after you were arrested at the protest, and you wrote that I “fell pretty hard” for you, you were right – but I fell for the dream. The dream of a man who also loved mountains and writing and sex and hard work. Until you left, you seemed to meet me at every turn, so I fell where I hoped it would be safe yet adventurous, worthwhile and fun.

And that’s all there is to say in this letter, really.

Except it would be good of you to look me in the eyes one more time. And it would be good of you to be safe and strong-willed in there and when you’re out to not give up what you’ve been given and to never be dishonest with what others give you again. And be kind to yourself, and grow from that place inside of you.


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