The Beginning of the End of the Beginning…?
Cass calls and it is confirmed, she cannot make it out to NC for her visit next week. Last week she was asked to headline a series of readings at a regional literary event and it’s scheduled during the middle of our vacation together. Financially, to spend the money for a changed flight and lose the money from work would be brutal this close to the original flight date. And so it is that I have time off from work and a big potluck planned up on the mountain, and no date for my own party.
So be it. Long distance makes you a ghost in your own life. I can no longer do it and said as much on the phone tonight. May will be rationed affection but true affection all the same. June will be intense and loving, certainly, and time together well spent. And after that, no more long distance relationship, no more stretching the heart across the country, no more, no more, no more. It’s what needs to happen, unless there is some grand twist of fate that yet awaits me in June. I’m and sad and relieved at the same time.
Everything keeps telling me that this life I’ve been offered up here on Fork Mountain is one of the purest, no strings attached gifts I’ll ever receive again. I’ve got to use every minute of this ever moment, every breathe of fresh air come down off the mountain, to feed my spirit and my words and write, write, write my way into whatever awaits me next. This will require focus. Above all, it means no part of my heart or spirit can be ghost or supplanted symbolically elsewhere. I am here. The mountain reminds me everyday. I am here and this is where I belong.