Sorry I Was “Away”

Sometimes being at the craft school is like feeling very, very alone on a very, very crowded street in Manhattan. Which is to say, loneliness is a state of mind. Even, perhaps, a decision (as much as we hate to admit it). I can go anywhere on campus, to any party or opening, to anyone’s house, and feel totally welcomed. There is that much love at this school. In the same breath, I can feel immersed in people at a potluck or on auction night, for example, and feel a total lack of connection.

The last three days have been filled with this paradox. Some moments, I have the strength to dive head-long into the feeling, get to know its texture and shape, really touch in and sit with the emotion long enough to see that it is just energy. Other moments, I feel swept up by it, controlled almost, as if I am what I feel, head to toe, body and spirit, through and through. Human beings are so beautiful in their pain, to simple for all their complexity. Is it any wonder that paradoxes are some of our most powerful teachers?