And So It Goes
Redbeard says he’s falling in love with me and I say no, No. We cannot do this.
Oh, the coin of love is so startlingly two-sided.
I have never before been in this position, nor is it one I am enjoying. But Redbeard’s position? That is one I know all too well. For years I fashioned an identity out of loving more than being loved. I could have moved mountains with my stubbornness and determination in the realms of lust and headiness and all the blindness that comes with the throes of the heart.
It feels so strange to be in the clearing. No tears, no longing, no misunderstanding. Just moving forward, one slow step at a time, promising not to invite the affection of others unless I am notably prepared to give in return.
For now, my focus is set: Find a writing job. Train for martial arts. Meditate. Foster the friendships that I have.
I have never felt so determined in my life.