I Think I Can, I Think I Can…

Not ordinarily one to complain in public, I have really been struggling with time management all winter. While I am certain that I am working hard, and I continue to have little success along the way making this tangible, I can’t seem to find my focus. Is the nature of freelancing that akin to being split-brained?

First, always, there is the grant project, looming over my head. Whenever I begin working on it, it feels great and I know what to write (it’s a cultural history of the boarding school I used to work for). Plus, there is the external motivation that I will get paid quite nicely once I complete my first draft. It’s starting that is the hard part.

For two months, there were the grad school applications. Then the FAFSA. Now I have to do taxes and then file a correction on the FAFSA (common practice, I’m told). Then I started in on scholarship research and had to reign myself in. It simiply become too much. I felt like I needed a full-time assistant just to figure out what/where/how I would be gaining my Master’s degree. Enough.

Leaving that behind, I charged back into freelancing full speed. There are three queries out there, and ten submissions. But there is also a list just as long of places I still need to submit to. This is where I get into trouble because it starts to feel overwhelming.

Then there are the book projects, two of them. One is due for submission in June. The other will be a part of my Master’s work and so is effecitvely laid aside for now, except when occasional vignettes come to me and I add them to the folder.

Perhaps this is less complaining and more a venting list. There is work to be done. I have everything I need. It’s a matter of dividing time and getting down to it. Now that the personal life has settled a little (knock on wood), perhaps I can expect this of myself again. I can work part time. I can exercise. I can publish at least one article every month this year. I can get into multiple grad schools and pick the best fit. I can read at local readings. I can submit to my critique group. I can pay my bills. I can maintain my friendships. All of this, at the same time, ongoing, always. I can, I can, I can. Right?