Trying to Stay on Track

When I hit a wall, I hit a wall. Tonight, it comes at 7:36pm. I promised myself one activity only each day. I slept nine hours last night. Woke up and alternated between reading and writing all day, moving slowly throughout the house, drinking lots of tea, and breathing and staring off into space as needed. I wrote 1 3/4 essays and read fifty pages. That’s mellow, right?

The single activity was “hiring” the young Zac and Sammy to help deal with the gravel I had delivered on Monday. It needed to happen today, as the rain already started coming down and more is on the way. I know enough to know that a gravel truck dumping 28 tons of gravel on the drive surely filled all the water bars, and that if it rains much more with the water bars clogged, I can watch all the money literally wash down the side of the mountain.

And so the boys arrived, and we did our work, in the rain. It took shovels and fire rakes and a pix axe and loppers but two hours and about two miles later, we were finished. Thing is, I was too tired to hike back down the mountain (for what would have been a third time that day) to get the car and do a test-drive up the road. I suppose that can be tomorrow’s activity. I fed the boys cookies, made sushi, and PD arrived in time for all of us to have dinner on the floor. (I don’t quite have a “kitchen” table so to speak, let alone four chairs that one could eat in.)

As soon as they left I called the Montessori school to cancel my weekly music offering, thinking that I just cannot do it this week (they have a campout, in the rain most likely, in a very obscure place many miles away…and I would bring my guitar and voice to them).

One day at a time, right? It’s the third day of antibiotics. Tomorrow I will hike down the mountain, check my mail, and hopefully drive the Volvo back up it for the very first time. Then I will continue the slowness, the homework, the healing. I keep waiting to feel stronger…that’ll come, right? I hope.

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