Week’s End

Mono test is negative. Nothing more to do. Wait until Tuesday to talk to the Doctor, when she has time. Meanwhile, I can’t seem to get enough rest. My tonsils are perpetually enlarged.

I try to distract myself. I play music all the time. I read any spare moment I can get. I rent a movie. I go to the city for a night. I attend events. But always, at the end of the day, there is the sting-sigh of reality when my head hits the pillow and all is silent in my world of self-made distraction. Five days and no phone call. Not that I made it easy for her to call back, but still. That’s five days of open, hanging, anger that’s slowly clawing at me. I can’t make the movie of her with someone else stop playing in my mind.

The fatigue/tonsil/weird sickness exacerbates my sadness; makes me feel more defeated. I have to be nice to myself during this time. I’m sorry I just can’t seem to pull together a decent blog post. But I’m working on it, trying to add ingredients to the stew of life that will come out clean and well-rounded, thick and nourishing, like soup – and life – ought to be.

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