Adventures in Online Dating: Chapter 14 I CAN’T HELP MYSELF

The fun never stops. I just can’t let it go…Jane in Seattle has reached Open Communication with her Match #1 and has entered retreat mode. I tell her to stick to emails. Take it slow. If she’s worried, just try to become friends. Meanwhile, Noelle is in Open Communication with the attractive firefighter. He emailed her this morning and the message has been sitting in her inbox all day and yet…she can’t bring herself to read it. She says tonight, later, after work, when all is quiet, yes, that’s when she’ll finally see just what the man has to say to her.

Additionally, my boss at work has re-sparked her latent interest in eHarmony and has a potential Match. But he’s pushy, requesting a “Fast Track” (where you skip Guided Communication and move right to Open Communication) and “Requested a Photo” and now she’s not sure. I tell her to email him First Questions, stick to the Guided Communication, and see if he can stick with it too. If he sticks it out, at least it will be a testament to his patience. Dara, in the meantime, gets New Matches by the hour but still hasn’t taken the plunge to join. She’s looking to move in a few months and besides, sixty bucks is a lot for a starving artist (how much is it, exactly? Well, it’s almost one month’s wage on her apprentice stipend, so forget it!).

That makes five of us new eHarmony members and possibly six, if my college friend would only email me back and tell me if she joined after getting all those New Matches. It’s fun in numbers, when there is support. Alone, it could make you feel more lonely. But after another long, laughing conversation with Match #1 (the third call this week? Yes, I think so…) it is agreed that we will meet. In person. This weekend. In Asheville.

Did I mention that he meditates every day? And gets up at 5am to go on long walks because he “just needs the alone time before starting each day”? Or that he likes to cook Indian food at home, brews wheat-free beer (score!) in his apartment, and his dream car is…[drum roll, please]…a 1989 Volvo station wagon (MY CAR!) because he loves the boxy style? Also, he loves coffee and uses a French press at home (the only way to go). Lovely, lovely, lovely.

Want more? Noelle and I got another New Match today that was the same. An excellent prank, no doubt. Here’s the scoop, quoted verbatim:

frank’s occupation: Zoo keeper

The one thing frank is most passionate about:

* I’m most passionate about my work of preventing extinction of the three toed sloth.

The three things which frank is most thankful for:

* I’m thankful for fruity pebbles.
* I’m most thankful for my pet monkey.
* I’m thankful for boobs.

frank’s friends describe him as:

* Respectful
* Affectionate
* Modest
* Good Listener

Three of frank’s best life-skills are:

* Keeping physically fit
* Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
* Finding new adventures and unique experiences

frank typically spends his leisure time:

* Sleeping.

  • Eli Edmundson

    Frank is awesome! I don’t know about dating the guy but there has to be a cartoon series or documentary on his life, now what is his pet monkey most thankful for? Sorry if I’m being overly irreverent but wow, what a gold mine!

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