Adventures in Online Dating: Chapter Five TIME FLIES

[Is anyone else emotionally exhausted form this? Read in reverse order, scroll down!]

Match #1 replies with his lists:

Must Haves: Autonomy, intellect, emotionally healthy, tolerant, passionate, self-confidant, communicator, emotionally generous, curiosity, and kindness.

Can’t Stands: Lying, gossip, dependence, materialistic, judgmental, undependable, self-centered, mean-spirited, television junkie, and intolerance.

We move on to the next phase…is it still Monday? Yes, yes it is. I check my new Matches and there are so many I can’t deal with it. I close THIRTEEN OF THEM, keeping only three open (Match #1 the physical therapist, Match #2 the Buddhist far away, and Match #3 who chose me). It seems eHarmony has been a bit too flexible in their 300-mile radius, as some point today the hits starting coming in from as far away as Alabama, Kentucky, and Ohio. No thanks. Sorry. Match Closed. [Did I mention that one of these Closed the Match before I got to it? A sweet sounding elementary school teacher who likes to drive around in his yard in a golf cart after work and tend to any tidying that needs to be done. He wants to make babies and get married ASAP, to the right eHarmony Match, that is. This is humbling really, that there are so many tender hearts out there with all their nuances, just aching a little for some l-o-v-e. Alas, not a good Match for me, though. Which is fine.]

I start to feel a little wired as the day goes on. Noelle and are, yes, still in the back room of the coffeehouse (most of this is taking place over the course of less than 90 minutes). “It’s moving too fast,” I say to Noelle when I see that Match #1 is ready for the next step, Open Questions.

“It’s online dating!” she laughs, and I can tell by the way she laughs and how she is still eyes to the computer screen, that she is now eHarmony hooked. We’re both sixty bucks and a day’s worth of thought into this and already, the intensity is hogging my spirit. Is this what I want? I plough forward, sending Match #1 my three Open Questions (you can as your own or choose from a list):

1. Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you.
2. How would you spend a romantic evening with someone you have been dating for more than one year?
3. Looking back at your life, describe one particular event that you wish you had handled differently.

By nightfall, after dinner, Dara and I are in the coffeehouse back room again, the doors locked and all the chairs up for the day, and she is finishing up her Personality Profile. I am there for moral support when she says, “Let me see your Matches.”

I pull up the screen and there they are…

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