Adventures in Online Dating: Chapter Six GOING CRAZY, GETTING DEEPER

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…Match #1 has answered my Open Questions and sent his own. Things are getting deeper, more personal, and it’s making me totally edgy gaa-gaa. I can’t tell if I’m amped up from the coffee, amped up because I NEVER spend this much time online, amped up because I’m nervous, or amped up because of all of the above. I start to think in lists (as evidenced by the last sentence). When do I have to tell him about the last relationship I had (with a crazy woman poet who lied and cheated and still made me crazy-love-mad) or the one before that (with a former Jehova’s Witness who was prone to articulating his level of physical attraction at odd moments due to his formerly repressed sexual self, as in, “I’m feeling slightly aroused by this hug right now.”). When do I tell him that I can’t walk or run right now because of an injury? When do I tell him I have what most people consider to be something akin to 5,000 debilitating food allergies (when really it’s just four)?

The screen is wobbly and I have to walk away…God I hate this. Or do I? I can hear Uncle M saying “Go For It” and Dara is here, and she needs to finish her profile before slides are shown at the craft school, and shit, Match #1 is waiting, waiting, waiting so I send him this, which feels too fluffy and slightly anti-climactic but I do it anyway:

1. Describe your own personal style.
Since I started working at a coffeehouse on the campus of a craft school, my daily clothing has become more unique compared to the plain, functional clothes I wore as a teacher. I love handmade, low-maintenance jewelry since most of my friends are artists. During the summer, I keep my hair in two braids and wear a little green cap most days. I prefer to wear my hair down, but it’s just too hot otherwise. Putting intentionality into my appearance helps me feel uplifted. I don’t obsess about it though. More important than all that, I think, is my daily demeanor. I am often described as calming to others, kind, positive, and efficient. I take pride in making others happy and giving them a nice experience. When I’m with close friends, I am more quick to laugh or get down to the heart of the matter. Most friends describe me as serious and determined, something I hope to balance out through relationships with others. It is my style to get things done as best as I can, always.

2. Looking back at your life, describe one particular event that you wish you had handled differently.
Recently, I got in a horrible argument with my father. He isn’t in the best health and I judge him for that. He feels my judgment and it makes him feel worse when really what I want to do is tell him that I judge him because I am afraid of losing him. But the argument had a peaceful, telling ending and we both came out knowing a lot more about each other as individuals. We don’t fight often. I wish that I didn’t have to push him to the brink sometimes, and that instead I could have given him the benefit of the doubt. But I love him so much that I think I hold him to impeccable standards, then I don’t stop to think about all of the life experiences he’s had that inform who he is today that have nothing to do with me.

3. What do you think are the three best traits you have to offer a partner?
I am good at being patient with someone I love, especially when I know a lot about where he is coming from. I am invested in helping someone I love analyze a problem, brainstorm solutions, and supporting him when trying to make a major shift for the better. I can talk about my feelings and cannot help but be anything other than truthful, so if my parnter has a question, I’m usually quite open.

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