Down Day

My cold has worsened and threatens to drop into my chest, therefore it is time to stop. After four days of only resting and working (no homework, no socializing), I am not better. Therefore, I call in sick.

All my anxiety is pent up in my chest because it’s emotional anxiety, therefore, my lungs were already taxed…then I got the craft school crud cold and the rest is history. But my acupuncturist believes I am on the right path and so do I. We agree to continue with the tea formulas and keep meeting for treatment once a week. I can’t afford it but I can’t afford not to, either. She is encouraging—this is a difficult time but I am doing the best I can under the circumstances, she says.

What are the circumstances? The shit hit the fan at work this week and while it has nothing to do with me, it has everything to do with the person who works above me and, therefore, it ripples down. Anything unresolved is an anxiety-sufferers worst nightmare, so this week was hard, to say the least.

Likewise, the DD gig is too slow paced for me. He’s busy, jam-packed overbooked busy. But likes me, he says, in the most surprising ways, and so wants to keep going but cannot give more than twice a month. I’m busy too, but am more quick to make a relationship higher up on the priority list. We compromise: I’ll try to see if two visits a month feels like enough and he’ll try to be conscious of making time for those two visits and calling more often. But already there are voices clawing in the back of my mind. Oh, sigh.

So I rest. I try not to ruminate. I go to my parents’ house for my sick day so that I am not alone (they have a dog, the best dog in the world, name Gus). And I drink the tea:

“Albizzia 9 [formula]:…Most of the herbs in this prescription have a calming action, but this does not mean that they make one feel sleepy or sluggish; rather, they calm wasteful nervous energy that can sap one’s vitality and leave one feeling depressed. In many cases of depression, the underlying problem appears to be agitation of the mind with defects in thinking patterns (eg. Negative thoughts repeat endlessly)…The main ingredient, albizzia, is a specific remedy for depression: the term huan in the name of the herb is translated as ‘jolly, cheerful, merry, pleased.’…”

The tea includes: hehuanpi (albizzia), yuanzhi (polygala), gouleng (uncaria), yujin (curcuma), danshen (salvia), baishao (peony), yejiaoteng (polygonum), baizhen (biota), xiang fu, and dang gui.