Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

**Flashes of War was just given a
highly favorable review from esteemed UK author Vanessa Gebbie in
The International Short Story Magazine. Learn more about the publication
Eight hours of sleep per night. I
keep repeating this to myself…and still, I can’t will it into reality. Up
this morning before 6 a.m. with thoughts of uncertainty about how to meet the
magazine deadlines I’ve scheduled between now and August 1st, I inched my way
out of the tent and into the Airstream. Sure, I can (and will) meet those
deadlines, but at what cost? My next thought, while coffee brewed, was that
it’s always two steps forward, one step back.
I am not one given to complaints. I
am likewise not one to publicize my personal struggles. But I have been known
to candidly share the “realistic” sides of the writing life and I
feel good about that. It’s summer. It’s beautiful. I’m engaged and in love and
I’m able to have my basic needs met while pursuing a creative life. There is so much
to be thankful for. And in order to remain true to the mission of this blog,
all of that can hold true while I also share the realities of transitioning
into this next phase of the writing life.
Call it “catching up with
myself” or “compulsive Capricornism” or, plain and simple, forgetting
how to relax. Whatever it is, when I put my life on the road and upped the ante
with the writing life, I simultaneously put a lot of pressure on myself. That
pressure took me far. It always has…until
one day, eventually, it caught up to me. I’m
ready for a different modus operandi but the
boil-over from past efforts tugs at my aspirations. So it’s
a few days off, which yields being a few days behind. It’s
the weekly date night with my Number One, then a rough start the next morning
because of overactive-brain-syndrome. Like all good things, I’m
telling myself, I usually have to teeter this way and that before achieving
A few hours into my morning and I’ve
caught up on my emails. I finished the backlogged student critiques yesterday
(What fun, these are! Such richness and connection!) so now I can look ahead to
the rest of today. I have a four hour site visit with a client. I have an
allergy shot appointment. I have a few hundred calories to burn with weight
training. I have a phone conference. I have two essays to begin. I have…

…to stop
adding to that list. Onward into the day, one moment at a time. Thanks for
reading and riding the wave with me.

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.