DAY 2/10 #plentyoftime
I fail. And while I’m failing, I waste energy noticing that I’m diving headlong into my to-do list, instead of checking in with my sense of well-being and my need to write, first. Twenty minutes pass. Two hours pass. Three. I’m go-go-going all while know-know-knowing I promised I wouldn’t let the myth of time dictate my day.
Oh, I have #plentyofexcuses at my fingertips: R came home sick yesterday from school & is held back again today therefore I’m “short on time” compared to what I planned; I have an appointment in Asheville today & will “lose time” dealing with that; I’m taking 10 days off from my business at the end of this month so I have to “earn” that or “double-up” to make it a reality.
But wait—how much of that is actually, quantifiably, TRUE?
Zip. Zero. Nada.
I identify as a #confidanwoman, grateful to have lived over 40 years without too much #selfdoubt. So what’s this rush-push monster all about, anyway?
When questioning, I look to metaphor, one of my greatest teachers in life & on the prose page: Call it trite, but the human experience is a #rollercoasterride even on the steadiest of days (did I mention I’m a #shambhala #buddhist?). I get it. I’m not trying to deny the roller coaster (I don’t believe that’s possible). I’m just trying to make peace with it.
Let’s put th roller coaster on a track shaped like an infinity loop. Which means it’s never going to run out…of more track. Or time. It’ll go no matter what I think about time & that will remain true whether I die tonight or live to 100.
WHAM! An idea hits: The last task on my list has been on my list for…17 days. I have moved it off one day, over to the next…for 17 days. It’s listening to a webinar about an IG tech skill I lack & verifiably need. I have 1 day before my subscription to this service ends.
But if I’ve put it off that long, it’s not important now. And although 11 emails (no joke) entered my inbox since I began writing this post, I’m not responding today. For the tech lesson? I can re-subscribe to the service for $57 & have access to the teachings for 30 days. Worth it? Duh. #doneanddone. Crossed off. Outta my office. Back to my boys! #tgif